Monday, November 28, 2016

Dating after divorce

A divorce is a difficult and stressful life event for any person to go through. During the process or after, you may be experiencing a sense of freedom that you haven't felt in quite some time, and the thought of getting back into the dating world might cross your mind. Dating after divorce can be fun and exciting, yet there are a variety of factors that can influence this experience. Your children and your own emotions can make the idea of dating after divorce seem scary or even out of the realm of possibility. While these are important factors to consider, they don't mean that you'll never be able to have a new relationship. By being honest with yourself, taking your time, and acknowledging your children's feelings, dating after divorce can be less stressful and more enjoyable.
Getting back into dating after divorce isn't always an easy experience. Some might think that they are ready to jump into dating right away, while others feel like they'll never be able to have a relationship again. Dating can be an exhilarating experience, and it's not something that should be taken too lightly especially when there is more to consider now. Ending a relationship by divorce is an emotional process that often leads to a period of grief and reflection, and the length of this period varies from person to person. Everyone is different, and there is no perfect timeline or one-size-fits-all process for dating after divorce. It is a decision that every person has to make on their own. Be honest with yourself about what you're ready to take on and when. Consider your emotions alongside your current physical state. If you're not healthy on your own, it will be more difficult to be healthy as you navigate the waters of a new relationship. Also, don't look to the experiences of others as the answer to what you need. Even if it took a friend only a few months to begin dating after their divorce, this might not be what works for you. It is worth taking some extra time to get used to your new lifestyle and being single before you dive into a new relationship. Give your emotional wounds time to heal, and know that you are ready to let someone else in before putting yourself out there. If you decide to get into the dating scene and realize you're not ready for it, you can always take a step back and try again later. Again, there is no answer that fits every situation, so doing what feels right for you is the best choice you can make.
Relationships require hard work and patience. Choosing a partner should be the same, especially after going through a divorce. Taking the time to evaluate your emotions and truly access how ready you are for a new relationship is important when you are thinking about dating after divorce. If you still are grieving the loss of your past relationship, you may want to take a step back from dating. Some may experience their grief sooner rather than later, while others may not feel it until the divorce is finally over. You should have fun with dating and the new relationship experience, so there's no point in rushing into something that you can't allow yourself to fully enjoy. Taking the time to grieve your past relationship will only help you to get more out of your new relationship. When you do begin dating, don't allow yourself to simply settle for someone right away. Allow yourself to be picky as you choose the next partner, especially if you have kids. It may be worth meeting several new people before setting into something. Going out with friends is a great way to get back into the social scene slowly. Also, taking a class at a local arts center or your gym is another way to socialize and meet new people at the same time. Even if these people aren't on your dating radar, making new friends and building your relationships with old friends helps you to better evaluate your current emotional state and know if you're ready for something more than just a friendship. If you do meet someone that you would consider pursuing a relationship with, you will hopefully have a better idea of what you are getting into, what you're ready for, and if they would fit in well with your family. 
If you have kids and decide that you're ready to begin dating after divorce, they should play a large role in any decisions you make from this point on. When you start dating, your kids might not know how to interpret what's going on. A big part of how a child interprets this situation has a lot to do with their age. As you begin dating, you'll have to tell your kids something, but depending on their age, you might not want to tell them everything right away. If you have a child who is rather young, you may just tell them know that you are going to see a friend for a while and will be back soon. You can wait to fully explain the situation once you have seen someone more than just a few times. If your child is in their teenage years or older, they will likely understand what it is that you're really doing. It is fine to tell an older child that you are starting to date again, and you should be prepared to hear their opinion on the matter. While you need to understand how they feel about the situation, you should also explain your feelings. You don't need your child's permission to move on and start dating, but you'll should still be sensitive towards their feelings. Also, it probably isn't a great idea to introduce your kids to a new partner until you know for certain that the relationship is serious. Kids need balance and stability after divorce. It will only confuse and disappoint them to be constantly meeting your new partner only to have that person exit the situation soon after. Once you do find a new partner that you are serious with, it is okay to introduce them to your kids, but don't expect them to be excited about it right away. Your kids might be feeling like this new person is coming in and trying to replace their other parent, so they may express emotions like anger and frustration. It takes time to build trust and a relationship, so don't take it too hard if your kids don't have the immediate reaction that you were hoping for. Talk to your kids about their feelings and explain how this new person's role will fit into the family. If one of your children is having a particularly hard time with this transition, be patient and don't force your child to accept the relationship right away. It will get easier for everyone with a bit of time. 
Dating after divorce can be a sensitive process, but that doesn't mean you can't have fun while doing it. To make the whole experience more enjoyable and worth the effort, stay true to yourself and your needs. Don't rush into anything that you're not ready for yet, even if it looks good at first glance. If you have kids, acknowledge their feelings as you begin dating. Understand that they are an enormous factor in all decisions you make, but don't let what they are feeling keep you from giving dating a try. In the end, you'll come to a decision on when and who to date on your own terms, in your own time. 

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