There are ways to be touched that are brilliant and other ways that are kind of blah. If there’s one thing we know about the way people touch each other during sex it’s that they often touch their partner the way that they, themselves, like to be touched rather than finding out how their partner likes to be touched.
Although there’s a lot of variability in how people like touch, it tends to be the case that men – whose genitals are covered in skin and less sensitive than women’s – tend to prefer rougher forms of touch. More thrusting, more vigor. Whereas women – whose genitals are more vulnerable and some ways and more sensitive in some spots (hello, clitoris!) – tend to prefer less aggressive touch. Women often prefer gentle tongue flicks on the clitoris or gentle but first stimulation of their genitals. Again, this isn’t always the case – there are no clear gender rules in sex – but generally speaking this is often how things fall out.
So when men and women get together, we sometimes find that men get “grabby” with women’s bodies and women are sometimes too soft or gingerly when they give hand jobs, with men asking them to squeeze a little harder. Lesson learned: rather than assume you know how your partner likes to be touched, ask him or her! Or try a few moves and ask for feedback (“does this feel good? would you like to be touched harder? softer? faster or slower?” etc). Got it? Good. Now go have some fun out there.