Loading...

Tuesday, February 28, 2017

ways on how to regain an emotional feeling for your husband

The routine of day-to-day activities, running kids here and there, managing the home and paying bills often leaves little time for romance and intimate relationships. This hazard of married life can leave you feeling as if you have lost the close bond you once held with your husband. When your bond is weak, but you want the relationship to last, your focus and time will need to be spent on reigniting the passion to grow emotionally closer with your spouse.
Improve Your Sense of Connection
If you’re feeling a lack of emotional closeness with your husband, it often means that there is a disconnection in your marriage. Psychologist Kalman Heller, in an article published on “PsychCentral,” recommends making your relationship a priority by scheduling time to talk daily for 15 or 20 minutes, weekly for at least an hour and planning overnight or weekend trips throughout the year. Make the effort to communicate with your husband beyond relaying daily, mundane information and talk about your feelings and the ups and downs of your day. Remember why you married your husband in the first place and focus on those feelings of love as you take the time to connect with your spouse on a deeper level.
Physical Affection and Bedtime Routines
Another issue at the root of emotional disconnectedness in marriage is the lack of physical touch. Heller advises couples to intentionally hug and show physical affection, even if it feels strange at first. Many couples have separate bedtime routines, which decreases the opportunity for sexual intimacy at the end of the day. Heller suggests that couples rearrange their bedtimes or plan for a few moments of snuggling and affection together before one spouse goes to bed. By initiating these changes, you can increase the level of intimacy with your husband, which can help rekindle your love for and connection with your spouse.
Shower Him with Attention
Dr. Willard Harley, founder of Marriage Builders and author of “His Needs, Her Needs: Building An Affair-proof Marriage,” reminds couples that when you are in love, you concentrate on meeting each other’s needs. According to Dr. Harley, you can begin to recover the loss of emotions by increasing the amount of undivided attention you give your husband. When you take the time to thoughtfully show him outward signs of love, it can help you to rekindle those feelings within yourself as well. Giving your husband the emotional and physical attention he needs helps you avoid neglect in your marriage relationship. Even if your husband does not initially return the attention, it is likely he will notice and appreciate your thoughtfulness, and it may encourage him to make an extra effort in showing affection toward you, as well.
Put Yourself Aside
When your marriage has lost its newness, it is easy to become self-focused. Dr. Richard Fitzgibbons, director of the Institute for Marital Healing near Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, calls selfishness a major enemy of marriages. When one or both spouses are selfish, they do not attend to each other’s needs and they quickly notice when their needs are not met. Even if you feel that the emotional disconnect is due largely to your spouse’s behavior, it can be helpful to examine your own behavior, recognize areas in which you may have been selfish and take strides to change that behavior. Removing these selfish tendencies can help restore the emotional connection with your husband and your positive example may be an impetus for your spouse to focus more on your relationship, too.

little things wife normally does to make her husband look happy


Men are not that complicated to understand. They work hard to provide, want to call a warm place home and have a loving family. You mister puts in an incredible amount of time and effort to make every member of the family happy, while still finding time to show his pretty wife (that’s you!) a little extra attention.
As his wife, go the extra mile to remind your man how grateful you are for his hard work. Here is a list of some things that are bound to put a smile on your husband’s face:
1. A home cooked meal
The way to a man’s heart is through his stomach. Cook a yummy home cooked meal and just sit back and watch him grin.
2. A surprise gift
You don’t need to go out and buy him the newest car on the market but a small gift (or act of service) is a simple way of showing him he is on your mind. Even replacing his worn bike helmet or taking his car for an oil change will mean a lot to him.
3. Offering help
Offering to pay for the meal on your date night or doing his laundry that week is a easy way to express how much you care.
4. Wittiness
When you’re chatting after a long day, toss in a smart little remark and wink. He will go crazy over it!
5. Cleaning
Dishes, vacuuming, mopping, dusting…all of these little chores work together to make a clean home. No husband wants to return home to find that he can hardly walk through his house without tripping over a toy. Coming home to a properly made bed and a clean kitchen will make him happy.
6. Calling him by a nickname
That one nickname you specifically designed for him is one of the sweetest sounds he can hear. Let him call you by your little nickname in return…You may sort of hate it but it makes him happy.
7. Giving a good morning and goodnight kiss
This serves as a tender way of reminding your husband that he is the first thing you think about when you wake up and the last person on your mind before you go to sleep in his arms.
8. Massages
Feeling the hands of the one you love rub your tense shoulders is enough to make any husband happy…and relaxed. Spoil your husband with a little TLC after a long day.
Keep in mind that it really is the little things that count; they add up and ultimately show him how much you care and want to support him despite your duties as a mother and wife. Give your husband and your marriage the attention it properly deserves and I promise you both will continually live in happiness.

these are secret that can make your relationship last forever

It is more important to know how to develop an affair than starting one in the first place. It is also very important to know that little things usually mean much more in relationships. This has been proven to be the reason why many relationships die. Although some die natural deaths, most die due to the fact that many of these little things are being ignored. Below are some nine amazing little secretsyou must know to keep your relationship and make it last forever.
.
  • Express Yourself:
Endeavour to always share your thoughts and feelings always. Don’t assume your partner already knows. Its not a guessing game and the fact that you love each other doesn’t make either of you a mind reader.
  • Be Honest & Admit Mistakes:
Don’t ever tell lies or cheat and if you make a mistake be quick to admit and apologize because there is every chance that your partner will find out later on. It’s also necesssary to be forgiving and learn to look beyond mistakes. Appreciate the fact that your partner told you and cherish the fact that your boyfriend/girlfriend is trying to be honest. Say sorry when you should and must. Your heart should be bigger than your ego.
  • Men Should Never Forget Birthdays & Anniversaries:
That is the biggest mistake you don’t want to ever make. Women cherish special dates. They don’t forget because they hold on to those memories and always look forward to the next one. It’s always a time to show her you cherish them too. Same goes for the women too but in addition, don’t ever make him feel jealous or miss you too much. It does more damage to the relationship than you can ever imagine.
  • Create Traditions
Try to create traditions such as saying goodnight every night to each other before going to bed thus even though you’ve had misunderstanding during the day, this time is a chance to make up and say good night. Dont ever go to bed without saying goodnight to each other. If he doesnt call you, you call him and even if he wakes up the next day, he will see your missed call and feel guilty for sleeping without saying goodnight to you. Keeping traditions like saying goodnight delivers so many messages and is very essential in every affair.
  • Avoid Unnecessary Criticism:
While it is natural to have different point of views, partners should avoid being too critical because in the end it turns out to be more annoying and rather more destructive than helpful. Sharing opinions is quite necessary but it shouldnt always lead to arguments or provoke unnecessary fights.
  • Sex
This is very important in every relationship. It is beyond the physical action and mental attachments. It goes way deeper and beyond all that is attached to it. It says a lot and means much. If you are not having sex with your partner for whatever reason besides medical conditions, the relationship will be affected in a very negative way and someone always ends up getting heart broken. Try as much as possible to ensure your partner is not sexually starved. There are many ways to ensure sexual pleasure. Find one which is appropriate & convenient for both of you.
  • Never Hit Her!!!
:
I reserved this most important tip because I figured if you could read this far I shouldn’t deny you this top amazing little secret. Regardless of whatever happens or however angry you can get, never raise your hand to hit her or maltreat/hurt her in anyway. Also Break up shouldn’t be an option but If necessary both parties have to be in full support. Don’t quit because either of you is not happy at the moment. Its very essential to both sit together and work things out. No matter how tough it gets don’t ever hit her.
  • Spend Nights Together & See Each Other Often.:
Sex is not always the primary goal here. Yes, sex is good but sometimes its more than just sex. The primary goal here is the incredible feeling of going to sleep and waking up in the arms of someone you love. It creates intimacy and is more like the fuel that keeps the fire burning.
  • The number 9…:
Stop doing things you know your partner hates. stop being stubborn, its not a game, its not war. Dont let your ego destroy your relationship. Remember to say goodnight no matter what and never go to bed angry.

Relationships can be very challenging but at the end of the day, it’s all worth it. Love is a feeling that fluctuates up and down it all depends on how you treat eachother and solve problems. Create room for doubts, jeaulosy, quarrels et.c They often make it fun but to enjoy this, always remember to talk about the bad times during the good times.

Monday, February 27, 2017

ways on how to make sex resolution for a better sex life with your partner


Whether you and your partner are married or not, these top new year’s sex resolutions below are guaranteed to give you a better sex life and improve your relationship in a very amazing way.
Some couples will say their sex resolution for the new year is to have more of it but guess what, sex is not about how many times you have it with your partner. Consider these top new year’s sex resolution tips you should try to implement and work on so as to improve your sex life and give you a better relationship.
The number one resolution you should have for the new year is to love your body. Although there are times we worry too much about how we look, truth is the better you feel about yourself, the more confident you are going to feel about yourself and that is the key to having a better sex life. It’s a lot harder to have great sex if all you’re thinking about is your waist, hips or thigh size. This year, resolve to love your body and be proud of that person you see in the mirror when you make up or when you brush your hair.
It will also help if you can act as though you just started dating each other by doing the things you haven’t done together in a long while. In addition to that, exercise everyday and eat a healthy, balanced diet. Take better care of yourself, feel good, look good and have more energy in the bedroom but always remember the first resolution written above, resolve to love your body and be proud of that person you see in the mirror when you make up or when you brush your hair as confidence in yourself is the key to a great sex life.
I also suggest and recommend you both try new positions, have sex in every room if you haven’t done that yet, get vocal in the bedroom, talk dirty, be bold enough to ask, tell your partner what you like, ask for what you want, get loud and believe me your experience will improve greatly if you can get more comfortable telling your partner what you want in bed. There’s no need to be demanding or make your partner feel like they doing something wrong, but your partner will sure appreciate knowing what does turn you onand what he can do more of. Make this year the year of getting exactly what you want between the sheets! and make it a part of your resolution to make every sex you have with your partner be the best.

Sunday, February 26, 2017

some of the reason why love is blind

http://joseph9jablogspot.com
Love Is Blind and fall in love with a goat is a well known proverb. When people fall in love, you cannot control own self. When this feeling happens, a pile of garbage could be seen as beautiful as flower beds. Everyone must have experienced falling love once in life.Who can define love with right? No one! Love is beautiful, love hurts, love is pure, crazy love, love is a pearl heart; so on.
Here Are 10 reasons Why Love makes someone Blind
We do not see the negative side of the people we love.
Love Is Blind
Everything looks perfect and stylish. Person says to himself, nothing more and nothing less.
We See Our Ideal.
Love Is Blind
Everyone has the image of the ideal partner in his mind. If we fall in love with the same image that we have visualized, then we begin to attach to like.
 All the mother has to love his children though have not seen their faces.
Love Is Blind
Unconditional love is also blind. Mothers had never seen the face of her unborn child, but they already love. They love their children just to feel the movement of the fetus in his stomach.
If we fall in love we do not see with the eyes but see with feeling.
Love Is Blind
People fall in love focus on feelings and emotions which determines something is good or bad. They don’t focus on appearance.
If we fall in love, the passion and the feeling is much stronger than common sense.
Love Is Blind
People who fall in love have excellent common sense. They express their feeling beautifully. They have strong fear of losing each other.
They are not realistic.
They are more imaginative. Their eyes are filled with dream, aspirations and romantic scenes. They believe in fantasy (make it believe).
Love Is Blind
They Appeal each other:
When in love we fell in love with him without knowing why. This is wonderful feeling but they never knew why.
 

ways on how to know that you want to break up with someone

http://joseph9jablog.blogspot.comThe road to a fulfilling, enduring relationship is almost always littered with a few attempts that turned out to be unfulfilling and unenduring. That’s what dating is all about—finding out if two people have the qualities and compatibility to sustain a relationship over the long haul. Sometimes you know for sure when it’s time to break up. But other times you’re not so sure. Should you hang in there and give it a chance? Or should you move on so you don’t squander precious time and energy? Here are 15 indicators that, yes, it’s time to move on and seek better prospects:
1. Questions keep popping up in your head. It’s natural and healthy to evaluate a relationship at critical steps, but don’t ignore those nagging concerns that are trying to tell you something.
2. You’ve lost that lovin’ feeling way too soon. If you don’t feel consistent sparks and fireworks while dating, it’s a sure sign the chemistry just isn’t there.
3. The people closest to you express concern. If several people sound the alarm about your relationship, it’s wise to at least take it seriously.
4. Mistrust has crept in. Trust is the glue that holds couples together. If you have legitimate reason to doubt your partner’s trustworthiness, you can be sure more trouble is coming.
5. You wonder about your partner’s emotional health. If your dating partner is very self-absorbed, paranoid, overly defensive, easily angered, or anything else that indicates an emotional health deficit, it’s best to move on.
6. You’ve realized the two of you have missions in life that don’t mesh. Sometimes two good people simply have goals and ambitions that don’t complement each other’s.
7. The two of you differ on important aspects of life. If you have significantly different perspectives on social issues, religion, politics, parenting, environmentalism, and use of finances, it’s best to find a partner whose convictions more closely align with your own.
8. Your partner is holding too tightly to the past. Take note if the other person talks often about his ex, relives the glory days of past achievements, or is held back by old friends. Thriving relationships live in the present and plan for the future.
9. Your communication is strained or superficial. If you and your partner struggle to have open, heartfelt communication, the relationship will surely suffer.
10. You can’t resolve conflicts. In solid relationships, two people learn to manage their conflicts thoroughly and efficiently so that harmony prevails most of the time. Relationships fall apart when conflicts don’t get resolved.
11. Your interests don’t interest each other. If you have five or six major interests, it’s a good idea to find someone who shares two or three of them. The more hobbies and activities you both enjoy, the stronger your relationship will be.
12. You don’t feel free to be yourself. No relationship is going to reach it’s potential unless both partners are authentic. You will feel stifled and suffocated if you cannot consistently express your true self.
13. The pet peeves have piled up. The way people live day in and day out (punctuality, grooming, personal habits) can be no problem or a big problem. If it’s the latter for you, don’t ignore the annoyances.
14. You don’t feel 100 percent supported. If you notice that the person you’re with shows little regard for your ambitions and consistently displays a me-first attitude, you’re probably in the presence of someone more selfish than selfless.
15. You notice wandering eyes. It’s natural to admire attractive people, but if you or your partner frequently “check out” others, it may be because you feel something significant is lacking in your current relationship.
Do any of these reasons resonate with you? What have been the biggest reasons for your break ups?

Saturday, February 25, 2017

ways on how to get out an old love out of your head

http://joseph9jablog.blogspot.comWhen a relationship comes to an end, the process of healing and moving on hopefully begins. The person you’re trying to let go of may be a recent part of your love life or an old flame. Now comes the task of wiping the slate clean, so you’ll be ready when a new partner enters your life.
Here are 15 practices that will help you leave the past behind:
1. Keep a realistic perspective of the person. Everyone has strengths and weaknesses, and every relationship has good and bad times. Acknowledging both assures you that your old love was not, in fact, ideal.
2. Clean your emotional house. Honestly inventory the strong feelings left over–pain, anger, regret–and then take time to heal. Proven techniques for doing that abound. Find the ones that make sense to you and get to work.
3. Clean your physical house. You might still have reminders of the relationship you’re trying to leave behind — photographs, mementos, and letters. Boxing them up can have a cleansing effect, a signal to your subconscious mind that a new beginning is underway.
4. Burn the bridge completely. If you know the relationship with your ex is truly over, then there’s nothing to gain from trying to be “just friends” or other variations. The best break is a clean break.
5. Watch your language. Meaning, watch how much you talk about your old relationship. The more your ex’s name comes out of your mouth, the more that person stays in your thoughts.
6. Close anything left open-ended. Whether they left your life weeks ago or years ago, you might have things you still need to say, amends you need to make, items you should have returned, or feelings you want to convey. Bring closure by taking care of what you need to.
7. Turn off the instant replay. Your mind can get stuck reliving the past, either adding fuel to your smoldering anger or romanticizing your memories. Either way, remember that you have sole possession of the remote control and can choose to direct your thoughts elsewhere.
8. Get involved in new activities. The process of leaving an old love behind is helped greatly by finding new pursuits that bring you joy, especially those that connect you with interesting people.
9. Resist the urge to follow the person via social media. Yes, of course you want to know what they’re up to! But if you really want to get that person out of your head, don’t fill it with current images and updates.
10. Tighten your ship. Let the breakup be an opportunity for honest self-assessment — so you’re that much better prepared for your next relationship. Are you a little too controlling? Argumentative? Clingy? Now’s the time to deal with it.
11. Forgive your ex. Holding a grudge ties you to the past, keeping you psychologically connected to the person and experiences you are trying to put behind you. Let it go — and set yourself free.
12. Forgive yourself. It’s just as likely you’ve said and done things yourself along the way you are not proud of — and equally important to put them behind you.
13. Practice gratitude. One time-honored way to move on from the past is to replace negative thoughts with positive ones. Like magic, the words “I am thankful for …” will empower you to step forward.
14. Activate your support group. Enlist trusted friends and family to your cause, people who will inspire excitement about the future.
15. Expect new love to appear at any moment. Looking ahead with anticipation will help you stop looking back with longing. Romance can appear anywhere, anytime. Your job is to be fresh and ready when it does — not stuck in the past.

seven sex position all lady woman always want


Sex is fun, feels awesome, and is an important part of a healthy MARRIAGE, but sometimes it’s tough to get in the mood when you’re having one of those lethargic nights where you can barely move. That doesn’t mean, however, that a steamy tryst has to come off the table. Here are seven sex positions that will get the job done while hardly requiring you to lift a finger.
1. MISSIONARY
Missionary is the go-to vanilla position for a reason—it only requires one of you to really exert any effort. When all else fails, use this classic to lay back and enjoy the ride.
2.FACE OFF
Let’s say your favorite show has now become a major snore-fest. Why not make things exciting by crawling on top of him and watching while you bone, no leaving the couch necessary.
3. STANDING TO SEATED
Want to get naughty but don’t want to deal with any of that pesky moving around? Scoot yourself to the edge of the bed, and let him stand and do all the work.
4. DOWNWARD DOG
Doggie style is great, but it’s definitely more for those nights when you feel like combining your yoga skills with your sex life. In this variation, you get to lie on your stomach and utilize fluffy bedding. Yes!
5. SPOON
It’s your favorite position to fall asleep in, so why not make it your favorite position to sleep with him in? Simply lie on your side, and let the good times begin.
6. CHAIRMAN
This variation of the “lap dance” allows you to use your man as a chair. A very sweaty, excited chair.
7. DAVID COPPERFIELD
It doesn’t get much more effortless than receiving oral. Duh.

Thursday, February 23, 2017

8 ways on how to let go a relationship and move on with a new life


http://joseph9jablog.blogspot.com

The amount of happiness that you have depends on the amount of freedom you have in your heart.” ~Thich Nhat Hanh
Nine years ago my heart was in a million little pieces that formed the basis for a million regrets.
I had my first serious relationship in college, when all my insecurities came to a head. My ex-boyfriend had to juggle multiple roles, from therapist to cheerleader to babysitter.
The whole relationship revolved around holding me up. I realized this soon after it ended—that I’d spent three years expecting someone else to love me when I didn’t love myself. The guilt and shame kept me single for almost a decade.
I dated, but it was always casual. I’d start getting close to someone and then find a way to sabotage it.
Long after I let go of the man, feelings about the relationship held me back. I was afraid of being vulnerable. I was afraid of being hurt. But mostly I was afraid of hurting someone else again and having to live with that.
If you’ve been holding onto an old relationship, now is the perfect time to let go. Here’s how you can start moving on.
1. Practice releasing regrets.
When a relationship ends, it’s tempting to dwell on what you did wrong or what you could have done differently. This might seem productive—like you can somehow change things by rehashing it. You can’t. All dwelling does is cause you to suffer.
When you start revisiting the past in your head, pull yourself into the moment. Focus on the good things in your current situation: the friends who are there for you and the lessons you’ve learned that will help you with future relationships.
It might help to tell your friends to only let you vent for ten minutes at a time. That way you’re free to express your feelings, but not drown in them.
2. Work on forgiving yourself.
You might think you made the biggest mistake of your life and if only you didn’t do it, you wouldn’t be in pain right now. Don’t go down that road—there’s nothing good down there!
Instead, keep reminding yourself that you are human. You’re entitled to make mistakes; everyone does. And you will learn from them and use those lessons to improve your life.
Also, keep in mind: if you want to feel love again in the future, the first step is to prepare yourself to give and receive it. You can only do that if you feel love toward yourself. And that means forgiving yourself.
3. Don’t think about any time as lost.
If I looked at that unhealthy relationship or the following decade as time lost, I’d underestimate all the amazing things I did in that time. True, I was single throughout my twenties, but that made it easier to travel and devote myself to different passions.
If you’ve been clinging to the past for a while and now feel you’ve missed out, shift the focus to everything you’ve gained. Maybe you’ve built great friendships or made great progress in your career.
When you focus on the positive, it’s easier to move on because you’ll feel empowered and not victimized (by your ex, by yourself, or by time.) Whatever happened in the past, it prepared you for now—and now is full of opportunities for growth, peace, and happiness.
4. Remember the bad as well as the good.
Brain scientists suggest nearly 20 percent of us suffer from “complicated grief,” a persistent sense of longing for someone we lost with romanticized memories of the relationship. Scientists also suggest this is a biological occurrence—that the longing can have an addictive quality to it, actually rooted in our brain chemistry.
As a result, we tend to remember everything with reverie, as if it was all sunshine and roses. If your ex broke up with you, it may be even more tempting to imagine she or he was perfect and you weren’t. In all reality, you both have strengths and weaknesses and you both made mistakes.
Remember them now. As I mentioned in the post 40 Ways to Let Go and Feel Less Pain, it’s easier to let go of a human than a hero.
5. Reconnect with who you are outside a relationship.
Unless you hop from relationship to relationship, odds are you lived a fulfilling single life before you got into this one. You were strong, satisfied, and happy, at least on the whole.
Remember that person now. Reconnect with any people or interests that may have received less attention while you were attached.
The strong, happy, passionate person you were attracted your ex. That person will get you through this loss and attract someone equally amazing in the future when the time is right. Not a sad, depressed, guilt-ridden person clutching to what once was. If you can’t remember who you are, get to know yourself now. What do you love about life?
6. Create separation.
Hope can be a terrible thing if it keeps you stuck in the past. It’s not easy to end all contact when you feel attached to someone. Breaking off the friendship might feel like ruining your chances at knowing love again.
It’s helped me to change my hopes to broader terms. So instead of wanting a specific person to re-enter your life, want love and happiness, whatever that may look like.
You will know love again. You won’t spend the rest of your life alone. In one way or another, you will meet all kinds of people and create all kinds of possibilities for relationships—if you forgive yourself, let go, and open yourself up, that is.
7. Let yourself feel.
Losing a relationship can feel like a mini-death, complete with a grieving process.
First, you’re shocked and in denial. You don’t believe it’s over and you hold out hope. Next, you feel hurt and guilty. You should have done things differently. If you did you wouldn’t be in this pain.
Then, you feel angry and maybe even start bargaining. It would be different if you gave it a second go. You wouldn’t be so insecure, defensive, or demanding. Then you might feel depressed and lonely as it hits you how much you’ve lost.
Eventually, you start accepting what happened and shift your focus from the past to the future.
You have to go through the feelings as they come, but you can help yourself get through them faster. For example, if you’re dwelling in guilt, make forgiving yourself a daily practice. Read books on it, meditate about it, or write about it in a journal.
8. Remember the benefits of moving on.
When you let go, you give yourself peace.
Everything about holding on is torturous. You regret, you feel ashamed and guilty, you rehash, you obsess—it’s all an exercise in suffering. The only way to feel peace is to quiet the thoughts that threaten it.
Letting go opens you up to new possibilities.
When you’re holding onto something, you’re less open to giving and receiving anything else.
If you had your arms wrapped around a huge bucket of water, you wouldn’t be able to give anything other than that bucket, or grab anything else that came your way. You might even struggle breathing because you’re clutching something so all-encompassing with so much effort.

You have to give to receive. Give love to get love, share joy to feel joy. It’s only possible if you’re open and receptive.

Wednesday, February 22, 2017

step on creating a life that you will always love

My goal is to build a life I don’t need a vacation from.” ~Rob Hill Sr.
The other day I had an interesting conversation with a friend, who asked me the question “Who is the happiest person you know?”
Ask yourself this question now. It’s difficult to answer, isn’t it?
There are certainly people around me who seem to be happy, but the happiest person I know? I couldn’t easily come up with an answer.
The conversation with my friend proceeded with him saying, “You seem happy, but it’s so easy for you; you live in Cornwall by the sea, you work for yourself, and you have all the freedom in the world because you’re single.”
It made me smile to think about how people perceive others’ lives. If you ask the next person they might say the absolute opposite: “It must be hard for you living so far away from anything, starting a heart-centered business from scratch with nothing. You must be so lonely being single and doing it all on your own.”
And the truth is, all the above is true. I feel each and every variation of the above on occasions because I’m human! I think and dream just like a regular employed person, I love just like a married person, and feel and breathe just like a city dweller. We are all the same.
But the conversation made me reflect on my own happiness. What does it mean to be happy? I feel the happiest I’ve ever been right now, whether I look at my life with glass-half-full or half-empty eyes. I asked myself why, and the only answer I could think of is, right now I feel authentic.
I wake up each morning and my work feels like a joyful adventure, so I don’t have to drag myself through days, questioning the point of what I’m doing.
Feeling complete deep down for the first time in my life soothes the loneliness of not being in a loving partnership right now, and walking the beach with my dog every morning watching the sunrise, instead of being on a packed London commuter train, makes my heart burst with happiness.
This isn’t a recipe for happiness in any shape or form. These are just my things. My choices leading to the life I am creating for myself, from a place of authenticity.
I have started to understand and accept that my life is up to me—my choices, my creation. The life I am living right now resulted from the choices I made before now, and yet they are no longer important; only the choices I make right now are. Right now I am free from the past but have a choice in creating my future.
So often we look outward and feel trapped by things that aren’t real. For me it was my past, my CV, other peoples’ perceptions, my own fears, and those pesky little shoulds, from myself and others. Or we think that we’re slaves to the choices we made in the past. But the beauty of life is you always have a choice.
I understand that some things in life we literally can’t change—maybe you’re a parent or caregiver or have other responsibilities that limit you—but you still have a choice.
You can choose to resist and focus on the negative, the struggle, or you can choose to see differently, create opportunities for change, and ask for help. No matter what your life looks like right now, you can still create a life you love.
I believe that everyone can dig deep to find out what feels right for them, be honest with themselves and others, and align their life with that place of authenticity.
Perhaps you’re wondering, how an earth do I go about creating an authentic life? Where do I start? Well, this is obviously vastly different for everyone, but my advice would be to just start somewhere, and what better place than where you are right now?
By that, I mean start by looking within.
A simple daily meditation practice has changed my life, and I truly believe it can help anyone.
Meditation, for me, is about carving out a few moments each day to sit quietly, breathe, connect with myself, and recognize my part to play in a bigger whole.
Even if it’s just a few moments after I wake up or before I hop into bed at night, this is time free from distraction, free from the roles and responsibilities I identify myself with, free from the complications in life that I might identify as stress. It’s time for just me, to connect with myself and my truth.
Creating a life you love is really about aligning your life with your own core values—those things that are most important to you personally. Regular meditation will help you discover what those are.
It might also help to think about the activities you loved doing as a child and find some time to do one of those things one day soon. Express yourself and be creative—journal, draw, sing. Join an activity group, take a class, volunteer, be of service. Move your body with exercise or yoga.
The point is to listen to yourself and take action on what you discover. Connect with how you really feel and use that as your guide when making choices so you can create a life you truly love.
If you do this, you may eventually realize, as I did, that it doesn’t matter one teeny, tiny bit who the happiest person you know is; all that matters is that you’re happy with yourself and the life you’re living.

Tuesday, February 21, 2017

5 tips to know that your man will not live you forever



http://joseph9jablog.blogspot.com

1.He’s attentive to little things
This is a big thing with women. A man’s commitment is often judged by the amount of little things he pays attention to.
The ‘inconsequential’ things he remembers. Given how careless and sloppy most men are, one who takes seriously little things that matter to you, should be kept close.
2.He does not shy away from problems
No real man runs out when things get rough. So, when you come across one that keeps a calm head, and handles your relationship problems with maturity, he might be worth considering as a long-term prospect.
Marriages and other relationships of lifetime commitments are usually tested by misunderstandings and arguments. Having a man who knows how to handle these situations is indeed a blessing. If you find one, don’t toss him away too easily.
3.He wants you to feel good about yourself always
Every good man who is worth spending an eternity with knows that women are quite moody, and might go through five moods before the end f every 24 hours. In your lowest of lows, this guy sees only the best in you. He understands every phase, or tries very hard to, and treats you appropriately at all times, regardless of how irrational or unreasonable you act at times.
4.He personalises your problems
Whatever bothers you, bothers him. Your problems are his problems and he tries everything in his capacity to help you fix your difficulties, and when that is impossible, he helps you get through them will as little pain as possible.
5.He doesn’t hold your mistakes against you
He laughs off the little, silly mistakes you make. Even when you really offend him, he does not hold it against you for long [or at all] . He may be caring and sensitive, but he’ll never make you feel bad for unintentionally hurting his feelings.
On the flipside, though, guys that fall in this category feel terrible for doing anything that hurts you, and such mistake of theirs will weigh heavy on their shoulders for a long while, even after they might have been forgiven.








Monday, February 20, 2017

question to ask your boyfriend before getting too serious

http://joseph9jablog.blogspot.com

http://joseph9jablog.blog.blogspot.com

Are you in a relationship and you’re not sure where it’s headed? While obviously not every relationship needs to end in marriage or some long-term partnership, if your goal in life is to one day have a family and kids, then you should probably keep that in the back of your mind when you’re dating.
One of the worst things you can do if you’re trying to get into a long-term relationship is to invest all of your time and energy in the wrong guy. To avoid disappointments, though, you can ask him a few basic questions. These questions will give you a lot of information about him, which can give you a few clues about the eventual fate of your relationship.
The First Thing to Think About
Before anything else, consider this: If your boyfriend won’t open up at all and responds poorly to deeper questions, then he may not be interested in having a serious relationship. That’s totally fine if that’s also what you want, but if you’re looking for something else, take that as a big red flag.
If your boyfriend is interested in deepening your relationship, on the other hand, he probably won’t have a problem discussing any of these questions:
Question #1: “Are You a Different Person Than You Were 5 Years Ago?”
Some people change more rapidly than others. Some of us go through massive transformations every few years, while others stay pretty much the same decade after decade. It really comes down to what you want out of life.
His answer to this question will mean something different to you depending on what you’re looking for. Are you someone who thrives on rapid change, and gets bored of living in the same city and leading the same life for many years at a time? Or are you the kind of person who likes stability and wants to put your roots down somewhere?
Of course, just because they’ve had an eventful past 5 years doesn’t mean that they are still on a path of change. However, you can often tell if a guy loves change and gets bored easily based on how he answers the question.
Question #2: “How Many Serious Relationships Have You Been In?”
Everyone has a different history, but if he seems to have had way too many “serious” relationships in, say, the past five years, then your definition of “serious” may be different from his. It could also mean that he jumps from relationship to relationship too fast because he is afraid of being single.
You want someone who isn’t needy and values being alone, while still understanding the benefits of a relationship. It’s better to have someone who would love to have you because he genuinely thinks you’re special, than someone who needs you because he has to be with someone. There’s a huge difference between those two mindsets.
On the other hand, if he’s never been in a relationship at all, this might also be concerning. If he’s young–like in his early twenties–this might not be as big of a deal. A lot of us focus on our careers early on and we might avoid long-term relationships while in school. However, if he’s in his mid thirties or forties or more, then this is a red flag. Ask him more about it and try to find out why he’s never been married or at least in a serious relationship at his age.
Question #3: “Do You Hate Your Ex?”
Ask him about his exes if you can manage to do so casually. Chances are, though, if he hates his ex, he will tell you all about it with minimal encouragement.
Sometimes people have legitimate reasons to hate their ex-lovers, but a lot of the time the hatred stems from feeling like a victim. Listen carefully to his story and try to figure out if the reason for his strong dislike of his ex is because he blames everything that led to the breakup on them. If he’s willing to take no responsibility for the problems in their relationship, then this is a bad sign.
Further, if he has “crazy” exes, politely prod him a little more about how long he was with the person. We all have encounters with crazy lovers from time to time, but the big question is whether we tolerate that crazy behavior or kick them to the curb as soon as we find out.
If he had a “crazy ex” who tortured him for years–or, worse, every ex of his was like this–then he probably has deep self-esteem problems because he allowed such behavior for months or years. Maybe he’s over these problems, and maybe he’s not. It’s up to you whether you want to deal with that.
Question #4: “What Are Your Religious / Political / Philosophical Beliefs?”
Lots of people ignore these at first, assuming that they aren’t important or practical, especially if you live an average life where these things don’t really cross your mind much.
However, the truth is that your philosophical or religious beliefs touch every part of your life, whether you realize it or not–and whether you actually chose your philosophy consciously or not. A lot of people go through life thinking that they have no strongly-held values except for those that are “common sense” that “everyone has.” For example, you might think, “I don’t kill baby seals or pour nuclear waste into rivers because that’s obviously wrong. Everybody knows that.”
The problem here is that, as strange as it may seem, not everyone shares your beliefs, even the ones that are the most universal and obvious to you.
Lots of people are shocked when they date someone and find that their worldview is entirely different, especially if they’re dating someone of a different cultural background. Do not assume these things. Look deeply inside yourself and understand the things you value the most. Maybe you value a strong family, or you value a vegan lifestyle, or you value your religious upbringing. If your partner does not also value these things, it will lead to problems in the future.
Of course, be careful here: Just because your partner doesn’t share your beliefs, doesn’t mean you have to be a jerk about it. There’s no need to judge. Just acknowledge that there’s an incompatibility.
Question #5: “What Do You Think About Marriage and Kids?”
Whether or not you intend on getting married and makin’ some babies, you should be on the same page. If you never, ever, EVER want to get married, then he should feel the same way. Don’t string him along if he’s obviously hanging onto the hope that you’ll change your mind and tie the knot someday.
Similarly, if he hates children and thinks that they’re the spawn of Satan himself, then don’t wait around until he magically decides that he wants to change diapers all day. Don’t let yourself get too serious if you have different views on this; it will just lead to drama. He might change, he might not--but you can't expect your influence to do much.

things that you must not do when you break up with someone

http://joseph9jablog.blogspot.com

#1. Don’t Stalk him/her. You’re way too smart to stalk him or her physically after your breakup. Of course you are…BUT…on social media? That’s tempting. Facebook, Twitter, BBM (blackberry messenger), instagram, his/her blog. Never!
Do you really want to torture yourself with each new female friend he adds and see cute little comments from babes/ guys you know were interested in him/her in the past? You don’t need to know where he or she’s going or who he or she’s going with. It hurts. Move on.
#2. Don’t Stay friends. There is no way you can remain friends with an
ex if you still have feelings for him. You can eventually be friends but not immediately after a breakup.
Haba! Give yourself some time. Remaining friends only gives him/her permission to treat you like crap while he/she borrows money from you, has occasional $ex with you when he can’t find anyone else, and sometimes lean on
you for emotional support when he has a bad day!
Accept the truth. He’s not going to change his mind and realize breaking up with you was a bad idea. He’s just going to use you until he finds someone to take your place. So please, DO NOT stay friends with him for now!
#3. Do not Isolate yourself
You’re way too fabulous and amazing to be shut- in. Do not stay cooped inside your room all day with the blinds shut. You’ll do yourself more harm than good. Get out! Go to the beach on its
busiest days. (We have so many in Nigeria, especially in lagos). Attend events, not those emotional stage plays. Take some risks! Meet with some of your crazy energetic friends at the club. Wear red lipstick and some killer stillettos
and work it because you can
#4. Don’t waste energy on revenge
Revenge is utter crap. Don’t get even. Get over it.
#5. Do not tell “your story” to everyone
Almost everyone falls victim to this. Hold back. Don’t tell everybody how you’ve been wronged. Boooooooooring! Save it. The longer you hold on to “your story” and keep soliciting sympathy, the
longer it will take you to move forward…and we don’t want your friends to dump you, too. (That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t talk to someone about it. The emphasis here is telling ‘EVERYONE’).
#6. Don’t be “on the hunt”. Don’t jump on the relationship bandwagon too
soon. Contrary to the general belief, the best way to get over a guy/lady is not to date another one immediately. Take your time. Enjoy your new Freedom.
#7. Do not listen to ‘Adele – Someone like you’ on repeat I guess that’s self-explanatory.
#8. Don’t think your Facebook page is going to convince him to come back
I have a friend who made up a boyfriend just to make her ex jealous. She changed her status, her photos, she changed her BBM display picture and Facebook profile picture to her and a hot dude
hugging tightly. But what did the ex think? When i asked him, i discovered he didn’t even notice. So, yes, in most cases, it doesn’t work.
#9. Do not turn to alcohol. Drowning our sorrows in bottles of beer can sometimes seem pretty appealing. The chances are, you’ll get drunk and then make one or more of the other mistakes on this list.

Wednesday, February 15, 2017

5 sign to know that your man will never live you forever


http://joseph9jablog.blogspot.com

1.He’s attentive to little things
This is a big thing with women. A man’s commitment is often judged by the amount of little things he pays attention to.
The ‘inconsequential’ things he remembers. Given how careless and sloppy most men are, one who takes seriously little things that matter to you, should be kept close.
2.He does not shy away from problems
No real man runs out when things get rough. So, when you come across one that keeps a calm head, and handles your relationship problems with maturity, he might be worth considering as a long-term prospect.
Marriages and other relationships of lifetime commitments are usually tested by misunderstandings and arguments. Having a man who knows how to handle these situations is indeed a blessing. If you find one, don’t toss him away too easily.
3.He wants you to feel good about yourself always
Every good man who is worth spending an eternity with knows that women are quite moody, and might go through five moods before the end f every 24 hours. In your lowest of lows, this guy sees only the best in you. He understands every phase, or tries very hard to, and treats you appropriately at all times, regardless of how irrational or unreasonable you act at times.
4.He personalises your problems
Whatever bothers you, bothers him. Your problems are his problems and he tries everything in his capacity to help you fix your difficulties, and when that is impossible, he helps you get through them will as little pain as possible.
5.He doesn’t hold your mistakes against you
He laughs off the little, silly mistakes you make. Even when you really offend him, he does not hold it against you for long [or at all] . He may be caring and sensitive, but he’ll never make you feel bad for unintentionally hurting his feelings.
On the flipside, though, guys that fall in this category feel terrible for doing anything that hurts you, and such mistake of theirs will weigh heavy on their shoulders for a long while, even after they might have been forgiven.

Tuesday, February 14, 2017

ways on how to take your relationship to the next level

http://joseph9jablog.blogspot.com
  
For some couples, it can be weeks or months before they put any kind of label on their relationship.
Maybe you’re in a situation where things started out casual and your feelings crept up on you. Or that window where you clarify that things are now serious somehow came and went, and things just feel awkward.
Or maybe you’re just on the cusp, and neither one of you wants to blow up the status quo, so you both just play it cool.

  1. You’ve met his friends.Specifically, he made a point to bring you along to meet his friends. This is very different from him messaging you at 1 a.m. to swing by a party and pick him up, so you meet his friends fleetingly. But if he actually makes plans with you to go out with his friends, and it all feels like a big deal, he’s at least a little into you.
  2. He’s bringing you around to “couples’ events.”Meeting his friends is one thing. But if you’re unsure of how he views you, and you go out to a dinner that’s all couples … you’ve pretty much got your answer. No guy who wants to keep things casual is going to take you out with a bunch of other couples.
  3. You slept over and didn’t have S3@.x:’.When you can spend the night with a newish hookup and not feel obligated to actually hook up, it’s a good sign.The more this happens, the more likely it is you can have a “talk” without it being cringey. Any guy who wanted to set boundaries with a casual fling wouldn’t have even let this happen once.
  4. His family knows about you.Meeting his parents is a huge step. So even if he isn’t ready for that, his family knowing you exist is a big deal — he wouldn’t tell them about some random hookup.
  5. You’ve done an overnight trip.I’m obviously not talking about a couple’s retreat at a bed and breakfast, otherwise this wouldn’t even be a question … or you both just have the weirdest relationship ever. But if he’s asking you along to visit his friend in college or wants you to come with him when his friends all get hotel rooms for New Year’s Eve, he sees you as a girlfriend or boyfriend.
  6. You got through a tough time together.On a much more somber note, it’s likely that he’s not going to see you if he’s going through the death of a close relative. Or he might not want to crowd you if you’ve got your own struggles. If you’re both sticking around through the worst of it, it’s because you care about the other person.
  7. He makes plans around you.You’re probably not at the point where he’s going to make major career changes with you, but he’s thinking of you beyond the next few weekends, that’s a sign. Whether it means you made casual plans to go see a movie in three weeks or he’s taking you as his plus-one to a wedding in a month, that’s something.
  8. You get some kind of “thinking of you” texts.His messages go beyond trying to schedule the next hookup or S3@.x:’ting you. If he wanted to keep his distance and make things casual, he wouldn’t be texting you every day. Or, he just really loves DMing. To be fair, that’s also a possibility. He might just be really bored at work.
  9. He really goes out of his way to see you, even if he’s already seen you a few times this week.He’s braved snowstorms or driven an hour out of his way to show up at your place. Maybe he even busts his ass to see you multiple times in a week even though it isn’t exactly convenient. That’s definitely relationship-level effort.
  10. When someone asks who you are, he stammers and says, “my girlfriend/boyfriend.”You’ll probably want to clarify it with him after the fact (it’s possible he just felt awkward and panicked), but this is as good a sign as any. If he just called you his “friend,” you’d know he’s still trying to keep his distance.

Saturday, February 11, 2017

some of the secret a wife would not tell her husband

http://joseph9jablog.blogspot.com

It is not necessary for you to read out every single thought that comes to your mind; not because you don’t believe in him but because you wouldn’t want to hurt him.
Sample this: your husband is talking to his mom on the phone, you accidently overhear a bit, then get curious and secretly listen to what they are talking about. You heard it, you knew about the topic, and then it’s over. It does not harm them, it does not harm you, then what’s the point in confessing to him? And who knows, your husband must be harboring some secrets too!
Here are 11 N@ughty and not-so-N@ughty thoughts that you can keep to yourself.
1. An old flame turns up:
Perhaps in your thoughts, as you recall him. Or you indeed bumped into him somewhere. It was sort of rekindling, but you could do nothing about it (or did you?). Once home, you don’t discuss him but have fleeting thoughts about the meet. You don’t have to tell your husband about him. Why would you?
2. Someone else is far more attractive than your husband:
It could be someone you met at a party or at work. There are times when you come across someone so charming that your husband totally fades out in comparison to him. You could be all flirty with this bloke, bringing you back to your school days. But nope, you don’t want your husband to get a whiff of it.
3. You wished your husband had better habits:
Fine, your husband has had a different upbringing. You are culturally different. But what does it really take to turn the fans off when not in use or stash away those empty bags of chips? Despite telling a hundred times, he would not budge. The result – you begin to hate him for that. But you don’t want to tell him so.
4. You wished you could do away with your in-laws:
True, a wife can never love her in-laws like she can love her parents and siblings. Plus, there will be little appreciation from your in-laws for you. It all may not go down well with you, so much so that you will dislike your husband as much as you could dislike his parents. Despite the freedom of speech that you enjoy at home, your hatred for in-laws is one thing you will never want to tell your husband.
5. You read his text messages:
What does he read all the time on the phone and why is it out of bounds to you? The curiosity in you makes you read his messages and check his contact details provided you know the password. But don’t tell this to him as he would change his password immediately!
6. You wished he were wealthy:
No amount of money will keep you contented. You compare your husband with your friend’s husband and wonder whether he is on the road to success.
7. You wished your husband was more fashionable:
Yes, sometimes it’s nice to show off to your friends that you have the best trendsetter husband. But sadly every time someone visits you or you get invited, he is at his worse. You want to kick him in the shins, but you just put a lid on your eagerness to do that to him.
8. You wished he had better presence of mind:
You keep wondering as to how one could be so absent-minded. Does he have bouts of dementia or what? Even in a case otherwise, his expressions are too plain for you to get a hint of anything. You don’t mind declaring that he bears the dumbest look.
9. You wished he had similar opinions (read: nods to your opinions):
You are rock-n-roll, while he is high on traditional music. You like new movies while he sticks to watching what he watched while growing up. You prefer him in suits, while he would want to wear pajamas. Tasteless and ancient – that is what you think about him. (Just be grateful he is not a caveman). You will go as far as having a pillow-fight but deep inside you wish you were hit with a blong – so you can put an end to these differences.
10. He deals with kids amazingly well:
Well, this is one thing you wouldn’t want to admire him for! After all, he is your fiercest competitor. The kids are scared of him but they adore him. They love the way he cooks, they want him to do all the craft work for their school and play, and they miss him awfully if he is out of town. And you know they are right. Envious? Then don’t tell him he is good, simple.
11. Your mother is more important than his:
This is another bitter truth that will crumble your husband. Your mother is more important for you because she is there for you when you face any problem. You run up to her to seek help with your kids, to know the recipes, to find a solution. And she is glad to do anything for you unlike your mother-in-law. But you wouldn’t want to share this with your husband.
Women are known for their inability to keep secrets but what men do not know is that we are very much capable of keeping secrets, selectively.

Thursday, February 9, 2017

Ways on how to express your love to a girl on the day of Valentine


When I think of Valentine’s Day, I inevitably think of February 14. That’s the day that people come in to work or meet friends for coffee and talk about the events of the previous evening. Some excerpts I’ve heard in previous years include:
We went to the beach and opened a gift basket filled with cookies and champagne.
I wasn’t too disappointed that we didn’t celebrate, but I guess I just wanted an excuse to do something special together.
She totally forgot what day it was. We watched TV and ordered take out.
The stories range from romantic to uneventful, from free-wheeling to kind of forced. When we think about it, the pressure we put on a single day of the year to commemorate all our feelings of love for another person (particularly through things like flowers and chocolate) seems a little silly. We are pretty much setting ourselves up for disappointment. Whether it’s an enjoyable excuse to go out, an anticipated opportunity to do something over the top or really, truly just another day… Valentine’s Day should be what each of us makes of it and nothing more. So whether you’re a hopeless romantic or just-not-a-candy-heart-kinda-person, here are a handful of ways we all can make the most out of this year’s Feb. 14… or any day for that matter.
1. Don’t pile on the pressure.
If your partner doesn’t have the same sentimental feelings about this particular date in February, so be it. Don’t indulge in destructive thoughts about what your partner’s actions on Valentine’s Day “mean” about your relationship. Thoughts like, “She doesn’t really love you or she would have ….” or “If he really cared about you, he would have celebrated today by…” Ultimately how our partner acts on Valentine’s Day is not an all-encompassing reflection of their feelings about us. Conversely, if your partner gets excited or lights up about doing something romantic, it can feel really good to respond. If romance on Valentine’s Day is a part of how our partner experiences love, it is important to acknowledge his or her feelings, even if we are not ourselves enamored with this holiday.
At the end of the day, Valentine’s Day in particular, what matters most is the way your partner treats you and how you treat them the other 364 days of the year. If he or she is affectionate, acknowledging and loving in the most ordinary, un-spotlighted moments, then you probably don’t have a lot to worry about. Keep this is mind when you plan your Valentine’s Day. Any period of time you have with someone you value can be an excuse for romance and affection. It can be filled with large and small acts of kindness, passion and love. The pressure shouldn’t fall on this one occasion to be perfect or to, in some way, represent your entire relationship.
If you’re single, Valentine’s Day should never be an excuse to indulge in self-attacks. Do not listen to the “critical inner voices” that tell you you’ll never find someone or that you’ve failed, because you’re not in a relationship. On the flip side, don’t let yourself harden to what you want in an act of self-defense. Try to recognize and resist thoughts like, “You’re so pathetic. Everyone you know is married already.” or “Who cares anyway? You don’t need anyone. Relationships are a waste of time.” Instead, be kind to yourself and wary of any critical inner voices that start to tear you apart or toughen you up against love.
There is great value in learning and practicing self-compassion. This allows you to dig past the self-shaming statements and uncover your real point of view. Maybe you want to find love. Maybe you’re enjoying being single and just looking. In either case, no one day of the year defines your worthiness as a person or your status in relation to love.
2. Focus on giving over getting.
People can get lost in their own wants or expectations. They often concentrate more on whether their partner will remember to get them something than the joy they themselves will feel in offering something to their partner. Studies show that people get more pleasure from giving than receiving. So, savor this opportunity to make someone you love feel good. This doesn’t have to be a romantic partner. It can be anyone who means something to you, who it will feel good to acknowledge.
When we focus too much on what we are receiving, we often are listening to destructive thoughts, such as:
Doesn’t he/she ever think about what you want?
Can’t he/she ever get anything right!?
I guess he/she doesn’t really care about you or else they would have done whatever.
Giving in to these thoughts feeds a feeling of riotous indignation at your partner’s perceived lack of generosity and, even more importantly, leaves you feeling miserable. Avoid the likely behaviors generated by these thoughts and feelings, such as lashing out at your loved one or sulking, which will hurt your relationship. Maintaining an outward focus will lead to more happiness for you and your partner.
3. Give something that has unique meaning to the receiver.
I know people who’d be thrilled to be showered with balloons, cards, flowers and singing telegrams. I know others who’d be mortified with this attention. When you’re thinking about what to do for your partner (or anyone else you care for), make sure not to confuse your own desires with theirs. If an expensive piece of clothing is your idea of an ideal gift, ask yourself if that would mean the same thing to them. Would a framed photo have more value or an evening out alone with you? Try to enjoy the process of thinking about what will make the other person happy. What will make his or her face fill with warmth and excitement?
The important element is to do something that is sensitive to how the other person experiences love. When we give our partner something that is more to our liking than theirs, we are often disappointed when they are not overjoyed with the offering. It may trigger destructive thoughts like, “He never puts in as much effort as I do.” or “She never appreciates what I offer.” These thoughts only serve the purpose of creating conflict and distance in our relationships. Being sensitive to our partner’s interests and desires and attuning to what makes them feel loved is the key to being generous in our relationships
4. Break the routine.
If special occasions, holidays and vacations tell us one thing, it’s that we should be taking more time in our daily lives to enjoy each other. Routines are so easy to slip into. They make us feel sort of safe and secure, but they also bore us. In the long term, they can actually threaten the passion and excitement we feel toward our partner. Couples who slip into a “fantasy bond,” in which real love and caring is replaced by an illusion of fusion, and form and routine is preferred over substance, often eventually fall out of love.
Keeping romantic love alive means challenging your defenses against love, promulgated by that little voice inside that lures you to be self-denying, self-soothing, self-critical and critical toward your partner or potential partners. Examples of such thoughts include:
Stay in; it will be such a hassle to go out.
Wouldn’t you rather be by yourself? You’re fine on your own.
It is embarrassing to be affectionate in public.
You’re such an idiot. You never make the right choice of where to go. Just play it safe.
He always gets a stupid gift.
These thoughts get you to stay in, isolate yourself, pull back from affection and put yourself and your partner down. Break free from routine by trying something new… even just a new restaurant, seeing a movie you wouldn’t normally see. Better yet, why not stage a mock power outage in which you shut off all devices, light some candles and just talk to each other?
5. the  Don’t just make it about your partner.
One of my favorite things about Valentine’s Day is sharing it with people who I appreciate on a daily basis. I have a sea of young nieces and nephews who feel genuinely thrilled when I hug them and wish them a Happy Valentine’s Day. They adore the opportunity to write cards to the people they love and to list the reasons why. There’s no reason we shouldn’t adopt this same spirit and use the day to offer that extra bit of acknowledgment that can get overlooked when something or someone becomes familiar. Sending an old friend flowers and/or leaving candy and cards for co-workers can be an easy way to brighten someone’s day. Simply smiling at more people, looking up, making eye contact and saying thank you are ways to be more open and loving. These are acts we should strive for every day. Yet, we can all appreciate any reminder or excuse, be it a carefree holiday or an especially hard day, to thank the people who make our lives richer and to express our own precious feelings of love.